Birthday Blues

I love how everyone on Facebook is reacting to the whole Kanye/Taylor deal even though it really happened 3 hours earlier. I honestly don't know what to say. I don't like Taylor Swift or her music, although "You Belong to Me" is pretty much permanently planted on to my mind to be played over and over again, but at the same time, she seems so innocent and she looked so sad when Kanye stole her time. I don't hate Kanye and I think he's ok, but jeez, could he BE any more of a douchebag? This is already starting to look like one of those vlogs that people post right after the douchebagery, so I'll stop here.

Anyway, I went to my 3rd concert last night. The first was for 30 seconds to Mars, The Used, and other assorted screamo/alternative bands that incite deadly mosh pits, the second was for a J-rock androgynous band called AnCafe, and the third was for a Baroque ensemble with symphonies and concertos by Haydn and Beethoven, widely different from the first two. The musicians were terrific, the solo celloist was unbelievable, the conductor was moving, the music was rich in meaning, and the concert was altogether made of awesome, or at least, that's what I think I'm supposed to think. While the person sitting next to me is immersing himself in all these wonderful details--the way the conductor conducts, the way the music is played, how professional the musicians sound, etc--I sit in my seat, waiting, longing for the concert to just end. Why can't I enjoy the music? Why don't I feel the same as the rest of the people watching the concert? Why do I just wait for it end? I feel ashamed. I feign happiness, enjoyment, wonder at the entirety of it all.

Maybe I'm exaggerating. I enjoyed the concert, I just couldn't get myself to get into it. Maybe I'm just not a fan of Baroque. I feel like I should, though.

On another note, my birthday was today and proved to be quite uneventful. I ate lunch at Toudai, got full after one small plate, sat in a bookstore reading a book about why cute animals suck, saw people, went back home, slept, failed at buying nonexistent ipods, and virtually did nothing for the rest of the day. Did I mention the day started with my sister sitting on my glasses, causing them to contort into unusefulness, basically making me emo for the morning? I spend thirty minutes of my day wondering why my birthday has to suck, 1 hour being pissed at my sister, another hour being bored but feigning happiness, and basically going back to being depressed when I get back home, but feigning interest as I try to find an ipod for a half hour.

On a little insignificant note, I've recently officially found out that I have a moderate case of depression, also known as dysthemia. I read in an article that it was basically having more of a susceptibility to negative thoughts, and I concur, since it is pretty accurate.

Goodbye :D

Want something? Then do something.

I'm avoiding my homework, listening to music, typing this blog entry, and secretly dreading the first calculus test, which is tomorrow.

I've noticed a sort of trend lately. If my day starts out badly, then ends up being pretty good and vice versa. For example, I had this big verbal fight with my mother about how she constantly forces my family and I to do outlandish religious things, like the rosary and praying throughout the day and memorizing loads of prayers that I honestly don't want to do. Anyway, it was on the way to school and the rest of the day was pretty perfect. If my day starts out well, the day is generally bad.

Also, if I leave school in a happy mood, my family finds some way to completely ruin it, thus leaving the rest of the day to be a complete mess. If I leave school in a less-than-happy mood, I generally end getting a little happier by the time I'm at home.

It's generally the same with emotions. If I'm extremely happy for no apparent reason, I either a) show it or b) hide it and act as if I'm completely normal. If I'm extremely sad for no some ridiculous reason, I either a) act a little happy for no apparent reason, b) act like an actually normal person, c) act normally, or d) show it. I show the opposite of whatever I'm feeling. It's twisted weird,but for some reason it's almost involuntary.

There's gotta be something more than this.

Have you ever pondered about your current status in life and wonder if it can be better? Have you ever pondered about the boredom that defines your life and wonder why it's so dull? Have you ever wondered about what your life could be if you weren't such a couch potato? Fear not, for [insertheroicyetuninterestingprotagonistname] is here!

If you, unknown and/or nonexistent reader haven't guessed yet, I'm wondering why my life is so boring. I think a lot of people end up pondering about their lives and how they can improve it. It's probably something very natural and commonplace, but I think I may be just stating the obvious. I have done absolutely nothing this entire weekend except for cough, sneeze, and hack, and sleep. Personally the last was my favorite part. I'm actually thinking of what I'm going to do for my birthday. I really want to do something, but at the same time, I feel like I can't do anything because it's on a Sunday. Sunday is the worst day of the week because almost every time at 5:30 I go downstairs, into the garage, into the car, eventually into the church, where I waste an hour of my time not listening to Priest and the lecturers and thinking about miscellaneous things like how to pronounce salmon, what am I going to do for my birthday, and why the heck the right click button on my PC refuses to work when I'm on firefox.

But yeah, I'm definitely not celebrating my birthday because I feel like if it's not on a Saturday, it won't be fun, and if it's on a Sunday, the fun is just immediately sucked out of the entire day. I'm OCD when it comes to things like this, so I'll probably end up having dinner at the local Denny's or Sizzler's, becoming surprised with that odd slightly faked face of surprise at the fact that my parents would do such a thing for me and eventually having to cover my face in my menu as the employees start to sing "Happy Birthday" completely off-key.

I'm hoping that the lecturing this week stays to a minimum and when I say minimum, I mean not at all. I'm getting annoyed to the point where I'd rather hear notes than hear words at all.

I think I'm sick

My stomach feels horrible, I honestly feel like I just want to go home, but the rally's next period and I have a feeling I shouldn't go home. There's 10 days till my birthday.

Um, I have absolutely nothing else to say, actually.

Would you die for me?

SMT = awesome.

I feel bored. I hate how I can't go on youtube, veoh, etc. Solitaire, assorted games, and this website are the only I things I can actually do.

I feel like I'm not making any progress.

Let's start a flame war.

Teeheehee.

Anyhow, I'm writing this one in my PC class. I just switched in and there's absolutely nothing to do here. Noone to talk to, blah blah blah. I'll probably do homework if I feel like it or just sleep. Sleep ish gewd :3

It makes me mad how during uniform inspection last night, the bones were purposely checked last because our section leader had to help with the other sections. Not like it bothers me though

I'll write later if I want to, class is ending.

EDIT: Apparently, my aunt's friend just gave me tickets to the see the Boston Philharmonic at Berkley. Only two tickets, though. Maybe I can ask for some more, but then again, that's pushing it.

There's a difference between admitting you have a problem and fixing one.

It's something Mr. R. said today in Symphonic Band. It's oddly very true. I still think we need more people telling him to shut up and let us play, because his talking a lone wastes like almost half of class. I feel like a bitch when I say it, but eh, I'll live.

I love the fact that I'm using this post as an excuse to not do homework. I also love how I actually have almost nothing to talk about.

Hmm..

I'm a tumor.